so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
