"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
