It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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