my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
