I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
