And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You made out with two different species that night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize