Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
