Just fell off a train. Bad.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
