I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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