Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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