yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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