Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
