Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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