so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize