a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
