twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
sex in a hospital.. check
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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