I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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