I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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