i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
