Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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