I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
