i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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