I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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