I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
