She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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