so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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