I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She said her name was "party"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
