If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
