is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
