I hate all girls vehemently.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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