haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
