My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
