i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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