She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
