i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
