So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
