This dress was meant to end up on your floor
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
