Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
