I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize