official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
