Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
