she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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