I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
