Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
