Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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