she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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