Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You ruined the universe
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
