I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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