I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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