Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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