She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
