Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
then he tried to convert me to islam
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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