I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
