I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
