sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
