Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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