I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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