You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
