Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
