The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize