so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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