I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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