Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize