well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
