He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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