Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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