we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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