just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
