You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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