Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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