Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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