the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
