Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Let's get the cat blown out
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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