just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
