Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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