So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
