Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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