Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
