Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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