why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
