Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
