My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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