i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
