Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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