i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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