I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I need to stop coming to work sober
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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