He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
