I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I need to stop coming to work sober
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize