Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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