i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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