I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
