i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
