Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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