so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
