it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
