return my video game
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
