i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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